2. Get yerself some kind of one em mini skirts. I like pleather or maybe somethin’ in that jean stuff. I ain’t recommended Rubber, it punctures kinda real easy.

3.  Don’t ferget yer heels. They make yer legs look longer eccentuatin’ that femroidal artery, ya know the one that’s in yer thigh.

4. If ya can’t get them Fang marks, ya know *eyes widen* naturally. Make yer own by followin’ this how to video

5. and for Shit’s sake no silver! Ya might as well be hangin’ a don’t bite me sign on yerself.

Now get on out there n’ snag yerselves a vamp….or two.

Happy Halloween!

Ginger

How do ya know when yer a Fangbanger? Here are some sure as shit signs that ya’ll just might be one or as I like ta say Fang enth…enthuzy, Shit *snorts* nevermind just a Fangbanger.

1.  Yer preferin’ ta be the drink rather than bein’ bought one.

2. Yer rollin’ outta them coffins more than yer own bed.

3.  Ya know what letter of blood ya got.

4. When ya say Bite Me, ya mean it as an invitation.

5. Ya have Fangtasia on speed dial.

6. Yer now callin’ yer pleasure zones, V-Spots.

7. Them word drained no longer just means yer tired.

8. Ya know alot about cover up – Ya know, that make-up stuff.

9. A choker’s now part of yer wardrobe.

10. Ya choose outfits that allow fer easy access ta all of yer V-Spots.

*snorts* Walkin’ in them big heels really aint no big deal. Why wear em, ya’ll ask. Well *glancin’ down at feet* fer one thing they make yer legs look longer n’ skinnier without one em trips ta the fat farm. Sides, vamps really like em.  But walkin’ in heels may not come ta ya’ll as natural as it did me. Ya kinda gotta learn this shit.

1. Ya just can’t start off, slidin’ inta them sexy lucite heels. Gotta start off with somethin’ a little lower, maybe bout 2-3 inchers. These will be yer trainin’ heels.

2.  Get ta walkin’ round in her trainin’ heels until yer feelin’ all real good n’ aint fallin’ all over the damn place.

3. Next, get yerself a pair of them shoes with them skinny heels, kinda like them ones Pam wears, but aint as tall as hers. Try them on, get ta walkin’. These are gonna help ya learn not ta fall. If ya aint fallin then it’s time to move on.

4. Get yerself some good n’ high heels 6 inchers n’ up. Pam calls em stiletters n’ she’s always callin’ by some guys name *rolls eyes* heels are heels n’ I like mine good n’ tall.

5. Choose em heels real good, aint all em the same. It’s worth spendin’ the extra 5 bucks.

6. Take em little baby steps and don’t be all bendin’ yer knees too much n’ shit. Keep yer legs close tagether, can’t be walkin’ like just got done with one em 6 hour tour de basements.

7. Practice all the damn time. Weave in n’ around them cocktail tables, get ta turnin’ quick n’ slow. Vamps will still see ya if ya turn fast. Try walkin up n’ down them basement stairs. Runnin’ fer the gun under the cash register.

8. In the drug store, I see them cushionin’ ta stick in yer heels, pffft, save yer money, I just stick a couple Fangtasia nakins on in meh heel. Works just the same.

9. They say ta give yer feet a break every so often, which is why I guess Pam’s always sittin’ on her ass in the office.

10. Oh! one last thing, when the blinkie little lights go all out n’ shit in yer lucite heels *whispers* Just take some batteries outta somethin’ else. *shiftin’ eyes round* I take mine outta the remote fer the TV at Fangtasia *gigglesnorts*

2. Get over any fear ya got of small spaces.

3. Don’t ferget ta take them iron pill thingys.

4. Make sure ya don’t take too many of them B-12, iron thingys. Makes yer blood taste all funny.

5. Work on yer actin’ skills. Vamps like it when ya pretend ta struggle a bit.

6. If ya feel like yer missin’ time or fergettin’ alot, don’t worry none.

7. Be real good at keepin’ them secrets. Cuz if ya aint, yer as good as dead.

8. Don’t wear nuthin’ silver.

9. Wear things that show off all yer arteries and allow fer easy access ta em.

10. It only hurts the first time.

I’d always heard there was a Queen of some kind who rules over all Vamps here in Louisiana. Master n’ Pam have mentioned her a couple times in passin’, mainly sayin’ she’s a little crazy. Once I heard Master call her Majesty, I knew fer sure who she was. She wasn’t lookin’ crazy ta me, just kinda scary n’ mean. Master called this short bald vampire, Magister or somethin’ like that. Who in the shit knows what he does *makin’ mental note ta google it* but he didn’t look too friendly either.

Holdin’ in a startled scream, I heard the Queen start orderin’ all the customer ta leave, included us employees. At a loss, I looked over at Master, just standin’ there, like real on edge like, lettin’ her do whatever she wanted. Slidin’ my tray back up on the bar, a little unsure of what in the hell was goin’ on n’ pissed cuz I needed my tips. I left Fangtasia wonderin’ why that Queen lady took a likin’ ta Yvetta so much.

Join us TONIGHT for an all NEW Blood Bites LIVE at 9CST. This week we’ll get to be a fly on the wall at a private meeting between King Russell and Queen Sophie-Anne.  Here’s what ya need to know:

• You can watch it live right from our website at: http://truebloodontwitter.com/bloodbites.html
• If you’re watchin’ the old fashion, traditional way, make sure you’re followin’ @QueenSophieA, @VampireRussell, and @VampireTalbot
• Stay tuned for information about our Blood Bites contest during the show.

We really appreciate ya’ll tunin’ in and bein’ a part of our show.

First, ya need ta get some white bread, any brand works. I get that cheap generic shit, ya know that stuff that just says “Bread” on the outside it’s little baggy thingy. Some chocolate syrup, I splurge a bit here n’ go fer that fancy Hershey stuff and finally some peanut butter. Ya can use the creamy or chunky kind it’s all up ta ya on watcha wanna use. 

Take the bread n’ lay it flat down on a paper plate. Take the peanut butter n’ spread all over the bread nice n’ even. Put as much on there as ya want. After ya get that peanut all spread out, squirt some of the Hershey syrup on it, makin’ sure ta cover every inch of it. Then ya roll that sucker right up inta a tube kinda shape thing. There! *holdin’ plate out* Made ya a Tube Top Sammich *big ditzy smile*

Back in June, we held some *stops, thinkin’ fer a sec* We still in June, aint we? *gigglesnorts* Well, anyway Master and Pam held some em auditions, ya know, fer new dancers. They wanted ta get some fresh blood in ta draw in the crowds *lowers voice* more like new pets fer Pam ta play with and we all know she’s got lots of them.

Holy Shit, we had people comin’ in from everywhere wantin’ ta dance fer Pam and of course Master. I mean who wouldn’t want ta dance fer em. *big smile* and the line seemed ta stretch on ferever. Pam put me in charge of written them little number on all them people n’ I only lost count twice *holdin’ up two fingers*  Needless ta say it was a Long Night at Fangtasia and one that really tried Pam n’ Master’s patience. Not that is takes much ta try their patience. Believe me, I know *gigglesnorts* I test it out quite a bit.

Master n’ Pam were shoutin’ n’ callin’ out NEXT faster than somethin else. Kinda reminded me of that show on the TV way back *eyes widen* The Gong Show.